I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
