I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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