he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
