I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
