I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
