Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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