and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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