Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
