maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
