It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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