I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
