is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
