I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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