The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
