i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
