then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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