I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
