i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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