Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
