god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
