If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
