We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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