Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
false alarm, still single
Randomize
