I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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