And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
