I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
