i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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