I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
