I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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