i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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