i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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