didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
