It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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