he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
