cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
