Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
