Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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