I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
