Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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