I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
