You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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