Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
