Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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