i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
