I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
