Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
