dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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