Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
