But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
