she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
