I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
