He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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