she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
